This is the worst day of every year for me. Father's Day! I really don't know my "dad" - He abandoned my mother and four kids when I was very young. He was a mean alcoholic and nothing good I can say about him. I don't know what it would be like to have a father that loves you and supports you. No clue. He was mean and scary and disappeared for years at a time.
I remember, like it was yesterday, when I was in Hoag Hospital for my first bone marrow transplant in 1996 and thinking..."he cannot get sober and get here from Tennessee to see his dying daughter" - I knew deep down that I was unloved by this man. That he was not capable of loving anybody unless he ever got sober. That never happened.
Last night I saw the amazing film Blood Road with Rebecca Reba Rusch and her journey to find her father who was shot down in the Vietnam war. Beautiful film. All day all I could think about was how she grew up without a father who died for our Country and a hero. She was only three when it happened. So I spent today thinking of all the wonderful fathers I do know, including Capt. Rusch.