Sunday, July 9, 2017

Flight 604 from Minnesota to Los Angeles - Rake Farms' Leadville training 7-6-17 Thursday

Flying back home with some uneasy turbulence.  Thinking on my recent nine days at the Rake Farms.   First, I cry. My heart is full.  I am so excited and nervous about our upcoming Leadville ride.  

Angie Rake is like no other woman or cyclist.  She is strong mentally, physically and motivates me to the moon.  I keep seeing us crossing the finish line. I can see myself falling to the ground and bursting out in tears.  I feel with Angie I can do anything. 
We are both Aries.  We are both business owners.  I am ten years older than Angie, but she is confident we can do this.  Angie has completed Leadville three times, I believe, and once on a tandem with Danielle.  
Angie says we have three advantages: 
    1 - We are mentally tough
    2 - We are scrappy (my favorite)
    3 - We never give up - ever - not today - not ever! 

Never have I  felt such love, peace, and a sense of calm, which I cannot explain, while being on the farm.  I will miss Chloe, Risky, Sam, and Minnie.  The horses, Frankel, and Ali. I had no TV in my room for this week, which gave me a lot of time to think.   I thought often of what I am going to do with the rest of my life, what is left of my life.  

I have been wanting to write, but as the feelings come up, the tears, the sadness, the fear, the happiness, the gratitude -- oh, dear God, it is more than I can handle.

Cancer screams out "fear me, I am coming for you“ . My heart says I have a beautiful daughter and two amazing grandchildren who love me and need me. I don't want to miss their life.   

My life road was paved with a broken family and shattered dreams.  My childhood was stolen from me.  I grew up with no father. I grew up with a strong mother who would, and did, do anything to feed five children and put a roof over their heads.  

My life is riddled with far too many regrets.   I scream in my dreams, Please let me go back and do it right, just one more chance”

Last night I had a dream that I was flying up and down single track (for bikes) but I was sliding on my body, sliding on ice, no bike. I was behind someone. I was flying up and down the steep trails with determination and momentum of just Cheryl! Certainly one of the strangest dreams I have ever had.

Every morning that I woke up at the Rake Farms, I looked outside the giant windows and saw a world I have never known. I saw something I lost  hope on long ago. I saw family, love, happy animals, happy people, blue skies, trees, and the white picket fence that goes on for acres.

Scott and Angie Rake open their hearts and their home to everybody.  They give it all back and never take.  In some strange way, I feel, maybe, just maybe,  this is my final great break — meeting the Rake family.  Scott told me before I left:  “The door is always open”…I almost cried.  Nobody has ever told me that. They would do anything for their friends and family.  They believe in me.  Angie has gotten me to push harder than every before.  Legs on fire, bring it on!  She has real grit.  We only met in January at the Coast ride, where we rode 600 miles in a week.  Oddly, It does seem as though we have known each other for a lifetime.

I have nothing to prove, except to myself, that I have what it takes finish the Leadville 100 MTB.  

I will be driving to Colorado the end of July. Angie and I will take on the three-day Leadville stage race first. Our goal is 10.5 hours in the three days in total, and possibly move up a coral for Leadville.  Angie flies home and returns two days before Leadville, August 10.  I will stay on and ride and train with my Leadville family friends.

My day is coming.  August 12 is my day!  I know mechanicals and weather can play a part and cause problems.   With the help of CTS and my coach Julia Priest, I am stronger than I have ever been.

So I am sitting in this airplane and heading home to my other life. A life of chaos and stress.  I will continue my training and get back to work so I can pay for this trip. 

Simply said, I owe my new life -focus to Scott and Angie Rake.  Angie believed in me when I did not believe in myself.  Now I believe in myself. I believe in us, as a team, will crush Leadville.  Angie gave me her Leadville necklace, which I will return when I get my own.  The gifts of the Rake generosity seem endless.

We rode our bikes on gravel and pavement.  We tested our limits.  We have no limits. 

I saw deer, fox, bunnies, cows, horses, pasture egg huts, wild turkeys, pig….

I met their friends and their family.  We shared stories of hard work.  We shared stories of family addiction and alcoholism.  We shared hope.  We shared dreams. We laughed. We hugged. I cried. Angie does not cry. 


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