Sunday, October 30, 2011

60 Minutes tonight - why some die and some play football and some ride bikes?

Tonight while watching 60 Minutes my attention was demanded when I heard the term Ewings Sarcoma!
A cancer that only affects about 400 people a year.  The segment was about Mark Herzlich the football player and how he was diagnosed with Ewings Sarcoma ( a very rare bone cancer) - different than the Multiple Myleoma I was diagnosed with (bone marrow cancer) - He had a titanium rod put in his leg and went through chemo and radition and it went into remission.  A miracle!  He is back playing football. I have a titanium rod in my left leg too.  Only it was not at my request, unfortunately.  Breaking a femur is very painful, trust me.

My dear, dear friend Alan Tilley was struck with Ewings Sarcoma when he was only 18.  I battled through my breast cancer and we fought together for his life!!   We were inseperable - unfortunately, he died six years later at 25.   He died in February of 1995.  I was just getting over the breast cancer portion of my life.  But Alan and I shared the same wonderful oncologist at that time, Dr. Neil Barth.  Dr. Barth loved Alan as much as I did.  Alan used to laugh saying things like, " you are just jealous because I won't be here to support you" - He knew he was dying.  He worked at Disneyland and wanted to be an actor.  I walked a redwood tree with him right before he died.  It was his request.   He was gay and acted like I was not supposed to know? I never knew why.   But it had nothing to do with his cancer.  I only mention it because Alan and I had a love relationship for which I have no words and never will.   Alan was more than a sibling and certainly not a lover, and we were as close as close can be!!!!!!!!!!!
 One time he said to me, " Cheryl, one day you and I will be two shining stars in the sky"  - Maybe he is my Star tonight bringing on this desire to share how much I miss him and how proud I am of how hard he fought! 

Three months after Alan died, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and told I had six months to live.  Alan was correct.  I was angry that he was gone already and he was not there to support me.  Only he was in spirit and still is.  The first century I road (with no training) the last 25 miles I asked Alan to give me a boost and I kicked ass that last stretch and passed everybody!  As I crossed that finish line, I fell to the grass and cried like a baby.   Alan and I and our cancers are on the same page in the Merck Dictionary and we will be holding hands forever.   I am not sure where he is, but I have a feeling he is that shining star, rooting for me to train and do this ride for life --- and when I finish Counting Coup, Alan - my dear, Alan, it will be for you and all our friends who are with you.  Oh, how I wish I understood why some of us live and some of die?

Why some of us get to play football and ride mountain bikes and some of us leave and move on to where we will all be some day.  

So GO GO Mark Herzlich - nobody will stop you from playing football!   And cancer won't stop me either.

I am happily recovering from my ride yesterday and totally exhausted!  I am forever grateful for my memories of my friends and everything I have been through has brought me here.
God bless you all!
Cheryl

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