Saturday, August 22, 2015

Helen's MTB group Ride today

30 miles and 3800 feet of pure dirt and fun.

August 22, 2009 - Six years Sober!

Six years ago today, I was too ill to get out of bed, too ill to even make a phone call. My mother was on her dying bed and I was too ill to travel. My femur was broken and I finally moved up to crutches from the wheelchair. I was bleeding in all the wrong places....Paralyzed with fear in every direction, my darkness was getting darker, my hope was lost, and any Light I used to have I could not see even a flare. I was hiding in my house with blinds shut from my daughter so she would not see me. (this never worked BTW, she was always onto my game) And most of you know she saved my life in 1997 by taking me to rehab and in 1998 by walking out the door with her bags.

We all have celebration dates, natal birthdays, remission from cancer, etc. 
I have been blessed with four: The day I was born (least important) Breast cancer last chemo date; Multiple myeloma last chemo date; And last hangover date - (most important) - 
I heard a lady I met in Paris in 2005 say, "I got sober the day before I died" - I will never forget that, because that is my story, no doubt. 

I don't keep this a secret because I am not ashamed, and if you keep the fact that there is hope too much of a secret, nobody will find hope, as I did. I was never able to be a social drinker from the get go back in elementary school. The police were at my house when I was 11 and got the neighborhood kids drunk. The officer that arrested me when I was 18 for driving and drinking became my first husband. (poor guy) My battles have been many, like all of us. We all have our demons. The second time I went to jail was the day I found out I had breast cancer. Oh, those were the good ole days. 

My doctors always told me that alcohol would kill me before the cancers, but stopping seemed impossible. I tried and tried. It is a disease like no other, IMO, and yes, somewhat embarrassing to exploit on FB. My oncologist told me once, as I was about to share in front of many doctors at UCLA about surviving cancer, that I needed to share my story with all the details, not just the cancer topics.